Sunday, October 31
eurgh...mendak-ness gave chase rite after the last paper...
and guess what?...of all the times to run out of road to run...eurgh...in the begining of the holidays...sort of a holiday...i'm actually looking forward to go for detention in skul...hurhur...and all the remedials sort of stuff...may be the last time i meet my sec3 going on to sec4 friends...cause when i'm in sec3 next year...they won't even look at me...let alone sit aroud the same table as me...one of my worst fears...losing friends...i wunder why i can comfort udders but never got to comfort my self...haiz...
"jikalau orang tak suka tak apa,tuhan tetap menyayangiku"
that was what i told one of my friends...but i just can't seem to buy it myself...maybe there was a secret i kept hidden from everyone...all those times peeps come to me for advice...i wud give my very best to help...but when it comes to myself...i need others comfort...i need to feel loved...not only from family...but also from friends...
"how can peeple love u if u dun love urself"
how can i love myself?...define that for me...draw out a map for me that i can follow out...draw me a game that shows which way to go,which way not to go...a game that tells me what choices to make...somebody out there give me a sign!!!...
i feel stupid,not knowing how to love oneself...ANY1 HU READS THIS,PLS TELL ME,SHOW ME...
"another phase in life comes with the verge of losing someone..."
my dearest god-brother is in hospital AGAIN...i emphasize on AGAIN...
hope he's ok...
well signing out...
[Your Name Here] @ Sunday, October 31, 2004
Wednesday, October 27
mahn i'm scared...my results for my EOY exam...
afraid of getting it man...i'm really scared...i'm speechless...petrified...horrified...fried!...
man i'm lame...the suspense is killing me...i dunnoe what to do...i'm going to fail overall...i'm going to get retained...well thats highly possible...but i dun want to...never...i'm afraid...
i have never been this dissapointed in my whole life...never...i cud have and shud have done better...i shud have never done all those things...it was only taking away space and time in my 365days a year...i'm never been this scared ever in my whole life...its even worse than when i had to get my tooth pulled...its like a zillion trillion million times worse...since i wasn't scared when i had my tooth pulled...but still...this is gonna hurt more...a lot more...a way lot more...i tot getting heart broken was painfull...this is gonna be worse...the suspense is like a blade...its point entering slowly under my skin...straight for the heart...when i get my results...its gonna thrust in like theres no tomorrow...
well...let time decide...i miss being a good boy...haiz...
ayte...signing out...
[Your Name Here] @ Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Monday, October 25
finally updating again...i think the mendak-ness got to me...
well now at home...lepakz ngan kaizer...adek dier hafiz ngan member dorang amin...
wasn't thinking of meeting actually...but mendak nyer pasal i "force" kaizer meet me...bwaahahahah...dapat jugak jumper kasih hati dier...gitar larh...pastu dier bawak adek dier...kiter gi 7-11 kejap beli barang...pastu kiter duduk kat 63? ...for got the blk...aha...then dah mendak kat bawah ajak dorang come my house arh kan...
pastu member dorang datang... ... haha... kiter lepakz lagik arh...tengok bola...kaizer ajar aku lagu 'seribu tahun tak kan mungkin'...dapat jugak intro ngan verse dier...rabak sak...dah lamer tak main...jari jemari aku pun sakit...
skarang man u menang arsenal 2-0 ....haha...scored by first goal...nistelrooy...second by...rooney...semer aku raser naseb arh...haha...aku pon dah lamer tak tengok bola...tak jager arh...ball picker tak salah kaizer arh kan...man u nyer side...haha...kaizer sbelah aku...sngajer nak sakit kan hati dier... haha...bola pon dah abes...aku pon dabes...dah mati dah kot...
dah larh...penat arh...tak tahu lagik aper nak cakap...kaizer pon menyebok kat sebelah aku...aper entarh dier nak...aku raser dier nak tahu aper aku nak type kot...masih ader nie...haha...biler entarh nak blah...bukan nak halau arh...panas beb...ya allah...kipas kenapa tak terfikir nak pusing kan sini...haha...
aper aku mepek...eh dah larh..ciao cin ciao mamatz...
[Your Name Here] @ Monday, October 25, 2004